My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
