having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
