Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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