God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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