I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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