You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
