Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
