His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My balls are so social today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
