I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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