I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
