All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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