Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The struggles of a small town man whore
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
