i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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