Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
