What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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