I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
