so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
