Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
