I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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