I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
