I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
