So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
