Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
