i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
