Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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