Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize