Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
