Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
