He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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