Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
