we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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