someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm having to shit out rocks
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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