Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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