She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
