dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
