Kiss
Puke
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
