I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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