My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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