just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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