True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
