woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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