is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
