If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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