You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
