How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
