My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
