you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
