where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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