So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Randomize
