My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
