I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
