he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
