Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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