It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
