cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
