Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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