I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
