Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
