I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing