So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
zippers are such a cool invention
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can I color on your dick again?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt