My brain says no but my pants say off.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff