just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.