I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late