I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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