After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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