I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
