I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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