that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I bet he comes in French.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
