Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
