Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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