haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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