Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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