i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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