Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
