This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
