she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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