Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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