this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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