she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
