I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
