You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
