Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
