Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
