As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
