It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
